bonding

My mother has been here all week and so I have written less and slept more. Lukas seems to let me sleep the last few nights...we are co-sleeping. As long as he is cuddled and fed he is happy and sleeps. Go figure. I've felt so excited by him all week...watching him change in small ways. He grabs things now, my necklace, my hair, my shirt as I try to walk around with him. It feels like he is participating more in life. He is awake longer. He watches things. He attempts to hold his head up. Jorg thinks that he's an extrovert as he's constantly vocal making the most prehistoric sounds. I call him teradactyl. Last week he was cricket. I don't think he'll ever learn his name. I have a million nick names for him...muffin, butter ball, baby bear, monster, booby pants, mr. man. Poor little Lukas.
I think that parenting an infant is a very zen like activity. It forces you to be patient, to stay in the moment and to not get attached to any plans. The best advice I have recieved is from my mother. She said...."don't try to do anything else right now. Don't think you are going to do anything else. Just let this be your life. Take this time with him." She is right. She didn't do that. She wasn't able. She was a different person then. Its beautiful to watch her with him...to see how he calms her. He sleeps on anyone's chest happily listening to their heart beat. He is sleeping now and I want to wake him, to play with him, to watch him. I can't believe how much I love him. I thought this routine would be mundane. Rise at 7 AM feed him, clean him, change him, try to find a moment to eat. But he changes so much in such small ways every day. I learn so much from being with him and trying to be patient. As long as I stay here in today I find this all facinating, beautiful, transformative and exciting. May I continue to have such a perspective and may I have compassion during the times when that perspective escapes me. What a journey and he's only 19 days old!