expanded

You are sleeping. You almost seem to have a rhythm but I don’t trust that. I’m realistic now. After all its been five weeks. I'm on to you little one. But I’ve gotten better at starting projects even with the knowledge that they will most likely be interrupted. Today’s project was to go through my clothes and try on a few of the pre-pregnancy pants. I've been putting it off but I thought, my stomach isn’t so big....a little more flabby, but they should fit. Nope, they wouldn’t even button. Not because of fat though. My hips have moved. I can't believe it. My pelvis is pushed out. I can't believe how you have rocked my body. Everything is loose and open. I am wider now in so many respects. My body, my emotional capacity and my understanding of life have expanded. It has only been 5 weeks since you were born and so much has changed. I can’t imagine a time when I didn’t consider you…a time when I would simply go out on a Saturday night to a movie or coffee shop. Last night Jorg and I decided to venture out. It was Saturday and we thought we would do something different. My mother mentioned an auction that was going on at the Ethan Allen Club. It sounded interesting, so we gathered a few friends and went. It was sad enough that a trip to a benefit auction, at a former all men’s club was a big outing but we couldn’t even handle that. Little Lukas wasn’t impressed by the auction… moody and wound up the entire time. I spent the night breastfeeding him and holding him, walking him, trying to calm him. We found ourselves irritated and back home at 8PM. And then after a simple diaper change he was calm again. That was all it took. I guess we are still learning. I guess its only week five. We’ll figure it out. Maybe my hips will even go back...but maybe not...thats what I am coming to terms with.....nothing will ever simply "go back".