the fifth trimester?

When I was pregnant my friends organized a blessingway for me in order to support me during the birth of little Julien. There were all sorts of beautiful ritualized activites to help me let go of fears and envision a positive healthy labor. At the end of the ritual we stood in a circle and tossed a lavendar string to one another which we wrapped around our wrists. This tossing formed a literal and figurative web of connection between the 9 women present. My friend Shana then told the group that we were all to leave the string on our wrists until the baby was born so that we could keep this connection. Now you should know that this was about 10 weeks before my due date. I laughed. I honestly thought she was kidding. ( I don't think she appreciated my disbelief.) I immediatly told everyone that they didn't have to leave this on. I would understand. I mean, no one would want to leave this silly little purple string on their wrists for 10 weeks or more.
Mine is still on.
I can't take it off. This "silly little string" has taken on great signifigance. After Julien was born I was so busy that I just left it there. Then, during one cloudy early morning exhausted shower I looked down and saw my shabby, faded purple string and I almost cried. I thought of all those women standing in that circle supporting me before Julien was even born. Back when my tummy was tight with anticipation and my world spun around only one child. It was then that I made a concious choice to leave the string on until Julien was 3 months old. Many people call the first 3 months of a childs life the fourth trimester. So, I decided that I needed the string until I made it through this final stage.
Tommorow Julien will be 3 months old. I can't believe it. He holds his head up now. He rolled over once...though Jorg insists the grass was a bit slanted....I say it still counts. He coos and babbles and he stares at me with such adoration. And I think he is trying to laugh. We had a laughing session today with each other that lasted at least 5 minutes. I love him. I truly love him. But I am not sure if I am ready to cut the string. This string is my last connection to the pregnancy...to the labor. I believe that Julien will be my last baby. I won't be pregnant again. I won't go through labor. While I did not enjoy pregnancy I do acknowledge that it was a special time. Somehow now that our family is complete I feel a chapter end and this little purple string is my last window into that chapter. I tied it on when I was still deeply entrenched in another reality. Now my world has greatly changed. So tommorow we shall see. Will I be able to cut it off....or maybe there is a 5th trimester after all?