bye bye Oma and Opa
“Wake up, Oma and Opa be there.” Lukas chirps from the back seat as I drive him to day care after the big goodbye.
“No Lukas, you won’t see Oma and Opa for a long time now.”
“Morrow morning wake up, Oma, Opa be there.”
“No Lukas, Oma and Opa are going home. They are flying in an airplane to Germany where they live. You won’t see them again for a long time.”
“After nap, wake up Oma, Opa there, maybe Oma, Opa there.”
“No Lukas. Not now. Later.”
“Later.” He says, resigning himself.
After I drop him off I come home. The soup is still warm from our lunch together. The dryer has been turned on. There are echoes of their presence. It wasn’t an easy visit but it was special. Yesterday Lukas fell into them. It took him a long time because he was sick all last week but yesterday he played and laughed and walked and sang and read stories and truly enjoyed them. He ran to Opa for safety. He reached for Oma’s hand. He asked them to read to him. I was glad for the happy farewell but sad that it hadn’t come sooner.
I cried when they left. I felt weighted all morning, all week really. Not because I won’t see them again. It wasn’t really about me. I cried for a multitude of reasons. I cried because I know that Lukas will ask for them for weeks to come and that I cannot explain why they went away or that he will not see them again until he is over 3 years old. By then they will once more be strangers who he has to warm up to during some short visit. I cried because I listened to Jorg’s mother, Annemarie speak with her other son on the phone this morning about their meeting when she returned. I could see how he is a part of her every day life and as I looked across the table to Jorg I could feel the weight of his decision to come to this country pressing on both his and my shoulders. All the miscommunications and misunderstandings….just feelings that wanted to bubble up from this complicated situation. I cried because as Jorg’s mother and father both hugged Lukas goodbye I could not imagine the situation reversed.
I could not imagine it if my parents had only spent several visits with my son….with me. I cried for the relationship that Lukas will never have with them. Lukas won’t have the relationship that his cousins, Leoni, Niklas, Sabrina, Oliver, Mario all have. They all live near their Oma and Opa. They would come over after school to have lunch and do homework and play games. Although they are teenagers now they still drop by for a visit and a sweet. Lukas will not have that and it deeply saddens me and I can feel how it also deeply saddens Jorg but he cannot go there. If the situation were reversed I don’t know if I could go there. I don’t know what deep doors of emotion would close up in me. I’m probably just being dramatic. Goodbyes make me dramatic. But right now as I sit in this empty house, the birthday decorations that Annemarie brought with her from Germany still hanging on the dining room ceiling, right now this is how I feel.
“No Lukas, you won’t see Oma and Opa for a long time now.”
“Morrow morning wake up, Oma, Opa be there.”
“No Lukas, Oma and Opa are going home. They are flying in an airplane to Germany where they live. You won’t see them again for a long time.”
“After nap, wake up Oma, Opa there, maybe Oma, Opa there.”
“No Lukas. Not now. Later.”
“Later.” He says, resigning himself.
After I drop him off I come home. The soup is still warm from our lunch together. The dryer has been turned on. There are echoes of their presence. It wasn’t an easy visit but it was special. Yesterday Lukas fell into them. It took him a long time because he was sick all last week but yesterday he played and laughed and walked and sang and read stories and truly enjoyed them. He ran to Opa for safety. He reached for Oma’s hand. He asked them to read to him. I was glad for the happy farewell but sad that it hadn’t come sooner.
I cried when they left. I felt weighted all morning, all week really. Not because I won’t see them again. It wasn’t really about me. I cried for a multitude of reasons. I cried because I know that Lukas will ask for them for weeks to come and that I cannot explain why they went away or that he will not see them again until he is over 3 years old. By then they will once more be strangers who he has to warm up to during some short visit. I cried because I listened to Jorg’s mother, Annemarie speak with her other son on the phone this morning about their meeting when she returned. I could see how he is a part of her every day life and as I looked across the table to Jorg I could feel the weight of his decision to come to this country pressing on both his and my shoulders. All the miscommunications and misunderstandings….just feelings that wanted to bubble up from this complicated situation. I cried because as Jorg’s mother and father both hugged Lukas goodbye I could not imagine the situation reversed.
I could not imagine it if my parents had only spent several visits with my son….with me. I cried for the relationship that Lukas will never have with them. Lukas won’t have the relationship that his cousins, Leoni, Niklas, Sabrina, Oliver, Mario all have. They all live near their Oma and Opa. They would come over after school to have lunch and do homework and play games. Although they are teenagers now they still drop by for a visit and a sweet. Lukas will not have that and it deeply saddens me and I can feel how it also deeply saddens Jorg but he cannot go there. If the situation were reversed I don’t know if I could go there. I don’t know what deep doors of emotion would close up in me. I’m probably just being dramatic. Goodbyes make me dramatic. But right now as I sit in this empty house, the birthday decorations that Annemarie brought with her from Germany still hanging on the dining room ceiling, right now this is how I feel.
posted by lukas @ 11:15 AM
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