Family

Lukas left today with Jorg to go to Germany for 9 days.  I have never been away from Lukas for this length of time.  When I brought them to the airport today I was surprised by the overwhelming emotions I had.  Here was my little boy an almost 6 year old heading off for a trip overseas with his dad.  Here I am launching him off into the big anonymous world and across the seas.  He was trying to be such a grown up.  As I tearfully hugged him he said "It's just for a week, right?"  Jorg took our picture and he said "I can't look at that picture until we are back or it will make me sad."  Jorg told me later that two hours after they said goodbye Lukas said "All I have been thinking about since we got here is mama."
I picked up Julien after work and returned to our half full house.  When we pulled into the driveway Julien said with enthusiasm "Papa hojme!" and I said "No, Julien.  Papa isn't home." He replied with steadfast certainty "No.  Papa home." When he came inside he looked around and said "Papa be back soon."  Later he sat at the counter while I made us Quesidillas for dinner and said without prompting "Me miss Lukie."  "I know Julien, me too.  Lukie misses you."  Later we went outside to look for their plane. 
As I walked Julien down the road on his bike I thought more about what it means to be a family.   We don't get married with our partners and then instanly have or feel like a family.  We don't have kids and then instantly have or feel like a family.  This feeling of family grows with us.  It deepens as the days pass.  It is watered by each days struggles and achievements and great attempts.   With Jorg and Lukas gone and me alone with Julien I realize that the magic family fairy has visited us when I wasn't looking....she was sprinkling dust on us as we camped, ate dinners, had christmas parties and birthdays.  She was weaving us closer through colds and sleepless nights, through long beach days and afternoon projects and impromptu story hour in the yard with apples and popcorn and tea.  We are a family and when one of us....two of us are missing I feel that my family is split.  Yes, it is only for one week.  Yes, Lukas was driving me totally batty this morning as he antagonized Julien and whined his way through our pumpkin muffin making project (made from a real pumpkin he and Julien cut and dug out and complete with roasted seeds and a soule mama recipe!)  But even though they drive me crazy I still love them more fiercly than anything and in the absence of half our family I realize how tightly connected we all really are.