crickets

We just got back from Florida. Lukas and I were visiting my parents at Sanibel Island for 8 days. It was such a simple, sweet, quiet and loving time. We didn’t do anything very big. We didn’t visit any earth shattering museums or historical landmarks. We didn’t learn anything about Florida’s past or its interesting natural life. We went to playgrounds and rode our bikes. We drank coffee and ate muffins and ice cream. We went to the beach and took naps together. We did all this with a very happy, flexible and adoring Oma and Opa. And while I was mothering Lukas I was also being mothered. It felt so very special. I felt like I could really receive because I actually knew where the affection was coming from. I knew that my mothers love was deep and that she needed to mother me as much as I needed and loved mothering Lukas. It was a very special time.
Lukas makes amazing connections and observations these days. He woke up the first morning and looked out at the Palm trees against the morning sky and said “mommy, it’s beautiful. Look mommy.” The first night when we lay in bed on the screened in porch where we slept he whispered “what’s that noise mommy?” It took me a moment to figure out what he was talking about but when I did I said “It’s the crickets.” “I don’t like them. I want them to fly away.” “They are just bugs Lukas. They are little bugs. You don’t need to worry. They are nice.” Every night he would say. “I want the crickets to fly away” or “maybe the crickets go away.”
He didn’t want to go. He asked to go back to Oma and Opa’s house over and over again. He loved being with them. He loved all the beauty and excitement of Florida.
He was fearless at the water. He would have run into the ocean alone if I let him. He asked me to teach him to swim so he could swim alone and at day two of the pool he said “mommy, I’m a big boy now. I can go under water.” He has entered into a new phase of negotiation and bargaining. He says “first we collect shells and then we get an ice cream.” “First we eat a muffin and then we take a nap.” He has such clear ideas about things. He orders his own food at all the restaurants without any hesitation. “Um, I want noodles with butter….and apple juice!” He knows what he wants. It is beautiful to watch him emerge. He surprises me every day. I told him a few days before we left that we would go home soon and see papa and he said. “…and papa will be very, very happy.” I said “yes, because papa misses you.” And he said “…and I miss papa too.”
Jorg just put him to bed. He will sleep tonight in a big boy bed in his own room with a new blanket and sheets that he loves with little animals and animal tracks on them. It feels so strange and sad to see him move into his own room. I am sure he will come into our bed often and we will join him as well. But this is the beginning of a new phase, a new time. He was so eager to make the move too. He grabbed all his stuffed animals and said “and all my animals will come with me too.” As he lined them up on the bed, and he ran into our room and grabbed all his story books and said “..and all my books come to my bed too…..and mama and papa can sleep in my bed too.” And we will, if he wants us to. But he won’t always want us too. This time is very special. Vacations with him are very special at this age. He is so open and joyful and present. It really just feels like a tremendous gift to be with him and to really be able to be present for him. I didn’t have to make phone calls or cook or clean or check e-mails or do laundry or anything. We could be together in a beautiful environment with my mommy and my papa and we could all just share the precious fleeting present.
Tonight as Jorg brought Lukas to bed and Lukas cuddled into his fresh new animal sheets he rolled over and muttered “the crickets flew all away papa.” and he drifted off to sleep.