rich life

Jorg came home on Thursday night and I insisted on heading out to do an errand. I needed to be away from people for just a half an hour. I needed to accomplish something in one simply swoop without the negotiation of needs. I went to buy shoelaces for my hiking boots...those relics to my former life. The laces have been broken for weeks and I can never manage to get some. It felt good to get out of my car at the store and just walk in...no car seats....no arms full of baby. I went in to find the store full of shoppers. All these people out by themselves just running errands. This other world. This alien long ago life where people are not putting kids to bed or cleaning up from dinner at 6:45. I got my shoelaces. I lingered by the clearance items. As I paid, I thought, this woman behind the register doesn't even know that I am a mom. Walking out to my car I imagined another life...one where I drive home to an empty apartment where I live by myself. I come in and turn on the lights and get myself dinner. I eat by myself and read magazines or books. I call people. Finally I stumble upstairs to bed alone. This thought makes me drive faster. When I come home Jorg is giving the boys a bath. The kitchen still smells like dinner. The house feels full. I run upstairs to cuddle my boys. I cannot imagine a richer life.