striving

Julien is scooting around on his bottom to reach the knobs on the kitchen cupboards. He is dragging himself across the hardwood floors with his hands to get to distant curious objects. As I watch him bend in half, reach so far that he falls on his face, pull, drag, scoot and roll towards what he wants I am given a new insight into the purpose of ambition...the purpose of desire and the purpose of doscomfort. If he didn't want things so much that he was willing to risk discomfort in order to grow then he would never develop. This is how we humans were made. This is our natural state. Desire and Drive + willingness to fail = growth.
It is painful to watch him struggle with such determination to reach some small toy only to see him fall short and end up tipped on his tummy and face down in the floor. I so want to just lean over and give it to him or scoop him up and save him. I think of our grown up aversion to discomfort and conflict....how we naturally avoid these awkward and aching places. If only we could stay in them and not back off. If only we could reach out towards what we want without the fear of falling on our faces.....think of what we might accomplish. Julien will crawl. He will walk. He will climb and jump and talk. He will do all these things because he doesn't know how to avoid yet. He hasn't learned to be afraid of pain. I watch him and think....I have so much to learn from you my new little friend. It hurts me to watch him fall .... but I have to. Now if only I could learn to fall as well.