Full

At the end of the day I run through all that I have done and am not sure how it all happened. Fed and dressed both kids...got Julien down for a nap.....made soup for dinner
(at 9:00 AM!)....my mom came to watch Julien and I went to the gym....picked up Lukas from school....made us rice and beans for lunch while Julien lay on the floor doing mock push ups....took both kids grocery shopping...Julien was awake in the cart and Lukas was running around but totally helpful and sweet....tasting apples and beans....gathering things....I decided to take a deep breath and I realized what is the worst that can happen.....big break downs....impatient moments....tantrums....tears and leaving the store.....and so what....it all changes...it keeps changing....and none of that happened anyway. We left in a very civilized manner with Lukas getting me a drink of water from the bubbler and eating his bagel. Then we came home...stopped by and voted on the way (with both kids!) Unloaded groceries....nursed...got outside and put Julien in his swing and planted bulbs with Lukas....made us popcorn and hot cider with cinnamon sticks (Lukas got them at the co-op) raked some leaves....came inside and set the table and got us all ready for dinner and when Jorg came home we ate! As we were eating dinner out of nowhere Lukas said "Mommy, Since you are so good at taking care of Julien and me when Papa is gone working and away for weeks and since you are such a good helper, you can have one of my Halloween candies. You should get my bucket down and choose one that you want." This candy is precious to him. He savors it and slowly is devouring it. The fact that he would share it with me as a reward for all that I am doing almost made me cry. I gave him a big hug and thanked him. He told me I had to wait to eat it with him. First he had to rake more leaves with papa...but it wouldn't be long...."not 78 hours mama, only (pause) 4 hours...not long."
Now the boys are in bed....it is 7:45 and I am drinking tea and spinning inside from the day....but also....it just happened....moment by moment I thought can I do this one thing....and I could and so I did....yahoo! Tommorow may be different. Each day is. That is the beauty of this time.