Julien is One!

Julien is now one year old. I don't quite know how it happened. It has truly been such a blur. There were so many crazy hard moments. Now here I am, plunked down with this four year old boy and my little one year old son. How did I get here? I cannot imagine being back where I was a year ago. Last night Jorg and I sat up and looked through pictures and movies from the last year. I feel like I am coming out of a whirlwind....literally.....the days and hours and moments were just sweeping around me with no time for reflection...no time to bring order back to my world. I have been on a ride. However, Julien ( knock on wood) has been sleeping through the night now for a number of weeks. This alone has restored so much sanity. It is amazing to watch Julien and Lukas interact. The other day I decided to take them both to Shelburne Farms. I packed a picnic for us. It worked perfectly with Julien's naps. We walked to the farm barn. Lukas walked the entire way by himself. He collected sticks and rocks. We sat on the stone wall in the sun and ate lunch. I didn't invite a friend for us. I decided that we should go alone. We don't always need companions. We can be companions for each other. I brought both boys to see the baby lambs. Julien was totally amazed by them. Lukas wanted to play with the garden tools out by the chickens. It was warm and sunny and I sat watching Lukas dig and Julien crawl around in the dirt moving wood chips to the wheel barrow. I felt so lucky to be able to raise these two boys. I felt so grateful to have such a moment. There was no where else that I needed to be and nowhere else that I wanted to be. Somehow, miraculously, all our needs were met. What a blessed simple joy. With moments flying past me in a blur of needs and wants and tears and cuddles and curses and snacks and tip toes and whispers and sticky fingers and car seat clips and craft projects and lego men and block towers and cookies and holidays and mountains of snow....it is nice to settle into a moment like this...to slow down. I don't want to just get through it. I don't want to race around from one day to the next and land exhausted in my bed each night. I want to be here. This is life. This is the dream that I once had.