bunny wars

So, we have a new member of our family. No, don’t worry, I am not pregnant again. This is a much more docile addition. Her name is Rosa. She is a little silky, soft, yellow bunny blanket. She is not entirely new. Those of you who know Lukas know that he never travels alone. Since he was 4 months old he has been deeply bonded to Rosie his little yellow bunny blanket. I first realized his love of Rosie when I forgot to take her to my mothers last winter. Lukas would not nap. He continually reached for her and no other stuffed animal or blanket would do. But Rosie and Lukas really bonded on our trip to Germany when Rosie made the leap from the crib out into Lukas’ every day life. She ate with him and was slimed with sticky yogurt fingers. She had brotchen crumbs smeared into her once soft and fuzzy ears. She had saft (juice) dribbled on her silky soft front. She was dragged on the floor of the train to Poland as Lukas giggled and was jolted about. She was dropped in a puddle outside the train station in Koln. She has been cuddled and nuzzled so hard that she lost her once Rosy cheeks that first inspired her name. We returned from Germany and the bond was so strong that Lukas could not be parted from her. He calls her mama and wants to be cuddled with her before sleep instead of nursing. He puts his thumb in his mouth at the sight of her. Needless to say with Rosie’s growing importance my anxiety also grew. What if something happened to Rosie?!! So we bought him another one.
Now I was a lover of the Velveteen Rabbit. I know that giving Lukas a Rosie number two after she sacrificed her beauty and plushness to comfort and soothe my son is practically criminal. But what could I do? I was scared. What if Rosie fell apart? What if we lost her and we had no back up? Lukas can’t manage without her for the time that it would take to wash and dry her and so she smells like pee. (Lukas likes to rub her on his penis when I am trying to change his diaper…the bond is slightly pornographic.)
So today Rosa came in the mail. I tore open the box. There she was, soft and silky. Her cheeks were so Rosie. Her ears were pink. She had flowers all down the front of her.
Had Rosie ever been this beautiful? When Lukas woke from his nap I brought him downstairs where Rosa was sitting on the table. He noticed her right away. So I handed her over. I had prepared him for this since we ordered the bunny weeks ago. I said “Lukas Rosie is going to have a sister, a younger sister. She won’t replace Rosie. She’ll just be back up. I hope you will like her.” I doubt that any of that registered but he grabbed the new bunny without an inch of hesitance and stumbled off to the living room dragging her by the ear. His thumb was jammed in his mouth. I was shocked. I was almost annoyed with him. Where was his loyalty? How could he love this imposter as much as he loved his sacred companion? But then after about 5 minutes I noticed him standing at the coffee table. He looked serious. He was inspecting Rosa. He pulled on her ears. He looked at her pink cheeks suspiciously and poked at her perfect little eyes. He looked up at me. I thought oh no, here it comes, my first betrayal. Next I’ll lie about Santa and then it’s down hill until puberty. Years of therapy I’m sure. But instead he pulled Rosa into his enormous cheek, shoved his thumb in his mouth and shot me a knowing look as if to say “If you don’t say anything than I won’t.” And off he went, humming towards the kitchen. I can’t say that I don’t still feel guilty. As I packed him in the car today with the soft new Rosa in his lap I thought of Rosie upstairs in the crib, all alone, her dirty grey face peering out from a blanket. “How could you?” She would say. “After all that I did for you.”
Jorg and I have decided to keep the bunnies separated so that Lukas will not see that there are two. Really, I think we have to keep them apart so that Rosie doesn’t eat Rosa alive…ah sibling rivalry.