here we go again

I’ve been feeling a bit resentful these days. It’s hard to watch my non baby artist friend’s lives spiral off into wild and exciting paths of adventure. While here I am fumbling with childcare, trying to plan classes while Lukas naps, begging friends and family to watch or pick up Lukas, always asking and asking for favors and help. I’m sick of it. Today I want it to be less complicated. Today Jorg announced his next trip to Germany. Well, he didn’t exactly announce it. He presented it as a possibility….a possibility that would be good for his career as well as being good for his German relationships. I don’t really have a choice. I feel so overwhelmed by it. 17 days. He will be gone for 3 weekends. And they are the three weekends right before my play opens. I feel cranky about it. I feel stressed about it. I feel like I better be earning some serious martyr points. When have I had one weekend just for me? He said that we could hire a babysitter but that is a whole different organizational nightmare. Sigh. I know that I just need to grow up, see this as an opportunity. I can experience what so many single moms go through. I can show myself how strong I am. I can get some space. But right now I just want a personal organizer. I don’t really know how to balance it all…..but I know that I will. Somehow it all works out. I just wish that my hands didn’t perpetually smell like diaper cream.