awkward transitions

Some day Lukas will be twelve. He will have to face the awkwardness of a shifting body and the great bumbled crossing into adulthood will begin. Thankfully that is a long way off. However, watching him move from the protected world of a boy under 5 into the social sphere of an actual kid out and about at play gives me a glimpse into that uncomfortable and self concious journey. This time now is a transition of its own.
Today was a cold and blustery day but Shana and I bundled up the boys and headed out into the park to investigate the new ice rink. Lukas and Micah loved it. They played hockey with two sticks and a puck that they found. They also met other kids who were playing on the ice. Some of these kids were not so nice in their play. But it was good to watch Lukas recognize that they were being mean. I felt so proud to watch him realize that he didn't have to play with kids if he didn't like the way they were playing. One particular boy was being rather bossy and inventing games that only he could win. He kept bending the rules and stealing the puck and hiding things.
But he needed Lukas and Micah to play and to want to play and if they didn't....well, he wasn't the boss anymore. After playing this way for awhile Lukas stopped and said in a loud, clear, matter of fact way "We don't want to play that game. You can play by yourself if you want to though." and he wandered off to look for the hockey puck. It was great to see him so unphazed. I'm not sure how much of his response was him taking a brave stand against a bully and how much of it was just a lack of awareness to what was happening. I think it was the latter more than anything. Later his same lack of social pressure and expectation caused him to display some rather embaressing behavior however. Surrounded by a swarm of skaters Lukas stopped in the middle of the ice and took off his glove and stuck his hand down the back of his pants. He caught me watching him, scrunched his face up against the sun and yelled "I'm only scratching for a second, only a second and then I'll take it out." I didn't respond. I hoped nobody had heard. I realized that allowing your child his innocence is one thing but Lukas should certainly know that scratching his butt is not an act that he should share with the world.
But he will be thirteen one day and every move and action will be layered with self conciousness....There is so much that he doesn't know. There is so much that I want to protect him from....from mean bullies and bad words and expectations to be cool and say the
"right" thing. I don't want him to join the masses ..... but I do want him to keep his hand out of his pants...at least when he's on the ice.