Rant...

My life feels as if I am trying to build precious block towers in the middle of an earth quake. Impossible. I feel overwhelmed by all the unmaintained compartments of my life...corners of my garden growing out of control. I weed one only to turn around and discover that another five beautiful plants are being overtaken with vines. I make dinner and do the laundry only to forsake the e-mails I needed to write for work. I write the e-mails at the expense of playing with my baby boy who wants to read stories. I play with my baby boy and the phone rings...a friend is calling who I haven't managed to make time for. I stop reading the story to talk to the friend and the baby is upset. I go out with a friend instead of having a night with my husband. I take a night with my husband instead of taking a night for myself. I am grumpy and needy with everyone. I feel like I am in a "If you give a mouse a cookie" book but it's some sort of twisted version...like "If you take a cookie from a mouse...."
...she will get cranky and storm off. When she storms off she we realize that the place where she stormed needs to be swept. While sweeping it she will find a broken toy....while trying to fix the toy she will get tired. She will want to take a nap. While taking a nap she will dream she needs to do more yoga. When she wakes up someone will want some cookies. She will start making them. The phone will ring and someone will want something. The cookies will start to burn as she talks. When she is done talking she will salvage the crispy cookies. After she gets everyone some milk she will sit down to eat. When she sits down she will realize how tired she is. As she falls asleep someone will take her cookie.
Something like that. There just isn't enough time in the day to make myself sane again. There isn't enough time to connect with myself or all the people I want to. There isn't enough time to do my work and write in my journal and do yoga and call my friends and do a craft project with my son and empty the dish washer and sweep the floor and fold the clothes and make the bed and cook the dinner and get places on time. So I am always late....and always saying sorry for being late....and saying sorry for forgeting things...and feeling sorry for not remembering a good snack for Julien or Lukas' inside shoes for school or to bring the folder I need for work or to send the check or to call my mom or whatever.....sorry...sorry .... sorry. So....here it is again....had to rant.....sorry.