childhood

The Piniata is stuffed and the cake is made.  The snacks are prepared and the games planned.  All set to head to Ethan Allen Homestead for the party.  Lukas is turning 6 tommorow.  Tonight he lay in bed and couldn't fall asleep.  He was too excited and he was remembering past birthdays.  "Will I have presents tommorow morning that I can open?"  He said as I rubbed his back. "Yes."
"Remember when I turned 3 and I was learning about time outs and I got a firetruck for my birthday and put it in a time out?"  "Remember my piarate party.  We all chased papa and put him in jail and I was stung by a bee and Oma and Opa were here from Germany."  "Remember last year I had two parties because I had so many friends?" 
He has already built up so many memories about his childhood.  I start to feel like he only has so many little kid birthday parites with piniatas and goody bags and games left.  All these ideas of things that I want to do for my children when they are little.  This is it.  They are little now and they are growing up.  These are the memories.  This is the childhood. 
I lay in the bed next to Lukas talking with him about how cozy and warm it is in his bed and how nice it is to hear Papa downstairs.  The radio on. 
"Isn't the music papa's listening to nice."  Lukas says. 
"Yeah, and we can imagine him down there cooking.  The lights are on and it's warm.  Doesn't it make you feel cozy and safe?" 
"Yeah."  Lukas says and he slowly drifts off to sleep. 
I just love this time with my children.  Yet it is so busy...so very busy and I keep thinking it will slow and balance out and time will appear but it feels like time is shrinking and I don't ever get to all the ideas that I have and I worry that the ideas will lose hope and climb into little cages and go to sleep if I don't start acting on them.  Like that I will some day dance again or exercise or paint.  That I will go for hikes with friends or on a trip with my mom.  Time keeps passing at a phenominal speed and I have these little beings growing and shirking their sweet little clothes faster than I can bag and sort them to proove to me that time is passing.  I too am aging.  My friends are aging.  My parents are aging.  My options are changing.  Lukas is 6.  He is a little boy.  I love him so much I could burst.
Gotta get to sleep.  Tommorow is the big day.  6 years ago life changed for me and it contines to bust at the seams with growth and learning.