Gifts

And now we have siblings.  They tease each other in the back seat of the car.  They know each others weak points and dig in.  They also run to get each other ice if either is hurt and they remind each other of rules and explain games.  Not just Lukas either.  Today they were playing legos and Lukas asked Julien to hand him one.  After Julien did he said "Say Thank you Lukie."  "Lukie, you have to say thank you to me."  Lukas replied quietly "oh yeah, Thank you."  When I laughed in the other room at this Julien said "Mama is laughing."  I love them. 

Despite this great sibling connection they can be totally oblivious to each other at times.  I just don't get it.  Julien will be in the middle of telling me something or hurt or asking me a question and Lukas just walks in with his "Mama, look.  Look at this.  Mama.  Mama.  Mama, why aren't you looking?!"
Or Julien does the same.  It is maddening. 

But I am guilty of not listening or being aware these days either.  As a teenager when I hit the critisize your parents phase (Do we ever really stop that?) my main critique....well, one of many, was that I didn't feel really listened to.  Now I fear that I am doing that to my children.  But honestly, how can I possibly listen to everything that they say?  Watch everything they do?  Respond with great authenticity and meaning?  "Oh yeah, that's great Lukas."  "Oh, what a funny lego man."  "Oh I see how that ship works, cool." She says while writing a grocery list in her head, peeling carrots and planning out the next meal while trying to envision where her life is going and how her career can be salvaged.   Now Julien starts with the desperate need to be witnessed and interacted with.   Sigh.

But I love them so much.  Lukas ran to me yesterday and grabbed my leg and said "I love you mama."  When he says that it is with such authenticity that it is peircing and makes me want to cry.
I was reading a book to Lukas tonight about Leonardo Davinici.  They talked about what a genius he was, how he invented, painted, did archetecture and made all sorts of contributions to humanity. I wondered if he had children and what relationship he had with them if he did.  Latley, when I hear about someone doing "amazing things" in the world I ask myself if they have children and how they care for those children.  Nobody will remark when they look back through human history on the mothering that Susan Palmer did.  It is not cause for stars in the sidewalk or notes in text books.  It is the day in and day out responding to and caring for.  It is what we all seek.  It is a beautiful gift to give.