times passage

I just dropped Lukas off at Kindergarden.  It is only part time because we are homeschooling but it still is such a landmark in terms of his growing up....the passage of time.  The teacher had us bring in a baby picture of them to hang on the wall.  This felt mildly cruel to the parents as we are forced to look at a baby picture of our children on the morning that they push off into the big wide world.  I was brought back to all those early days where it was just Lukas and me.  Lukas and me at play groups and library times and playgrounds.  Days where I passed the time simply following him around responding to him and his needs.  He has been a bit unruley the past few days.  He has been angry and whining and saying mean things to me.  I think in some ways he is frustrated and a little bored with his routine.  This morning he was SO excited to go up to school.  He ran up the hill saying that he didn't want to be late.  Part of me wonders if I am making the right choice homeschooling.  If he shouldn't just be at school full time but I kind of feel like we have the best of all worlds.  He can go to school a bit and be home a bit and go to private school for aftercare.  Still, this is the marking of time passing.....he will be six this fall!  O.k.  Julien is climbing on me....time to follow and respond a bit....through the tears.

Dine coming

Julien has this odd thing that he has said for the last half year or more.  He says it at moments when he is afraid but honestly, sometimes it comes from nowhere and he is suddenly grabbing on to me shouting "Dine coming"!  The other day he woke up from a nap screaming and when I came in the room he said "Dine coming Mama! Dine here!"  I asked him "Where is Dine?"
"In mine room." He replied through tears and gulps.  "What does dine look like?"  He couldn't answer. "Is Dine a monster."  "No."  "Is Dine a dinasaour?"  "No." 
The other morning he came to my room and climbed on me and said "Dine not here."  He was smiling and happy.  "No, Dine isn't here Julien.  Who is Dine?"
"Dine out there though." He said as he pointed to the hallway.  It is very odd and sometimes if I am feeling imaginative and wound up I can get kind of freaked out by it.  Mostly I wonder what it is for him....is it a feeling?  He doesn't know how to categorize people and animals and objects and feelings completley.  He mostly understands this concept but when he was first speaking of Dine, when Dine was first created for him he did not know how to seperate these things. 
It is strange.  When Lukas was his age he was such a big boy to me.  Julien seems so little to me.  His white tufts of hair and impish expressions.  The other day at the pool I asked a friend to hold him so I could go down the water slide with Lukas.  Julien did NOT like this.  He turned to my friend at one point and said "Me no like you!"  He likes to challenge me these days.  He shreaks whenever Lukas does the smallest thing to annoy him which is totally fun for Lukas and totally annoying for me.  But he is pooping on the potty more and if he doesn't have a diaper on he doesn't pee in the house anymore but goes on the potty instead.  He also has an interesting palate for food.  He ate an entire tomato, half a cucumber, a carrto, cheese and crackers and bites of my salad for dinner.
Jorg is going away Lukas in two week and it is just Julien and me......I am excited and nervous about this time.....hopefully, between the two of us we can have enough fun and stimulation....and keep that Dine away.

Summer milestones

Lukas lost his first tooth.  A friend of mine told me that you lose the teeth in the order in which they came in.  If that is the case then I remember when he got that tooth.  Jen spotted it at Stone Soup.  Lukas lay on the table between us only 4 months old!  That seems like a lifetime ago.  Truly.
Now, my almost 6 year old blonde boy with the wide blue eyes stands before me in the bathroom with a gaping hole in the front of his teeth and wild excited eyes.  His nose is dotted with freckles as he explains the tooth fairy to me. 
This summer he learned how to ride a bike and how to swim.  The bike ride was in Montreal.  It was a total surprise.  The house where we were staying had a kids bike his size and he wanted to scoot to the park with it but the peddles were in the way so he decided to try riding with me holding on.  It felt like letting a bird go when he first rode away from me.  It reminded me of how I felt when he first learned to walk.  There was the odd sense that something impossible was about to happenn and an empty feeling in my hands as he peddled and strode away from me.  It felt like magic. 
He first swam at a blueberry farm in the mountains of Stowe.  We went to pick berries on a very hot day and the owners of the farm had a pool that they let people use after picking.  Lukas was eager to go in the pool and play and having spent the entire day before in the lake swimming with a life vest he was prepared.  Then he did it.  He just did it.  He swam.  Feet off the bottom of the murky blue water and little cuped hands pushing wildlyas he held his chin on the surface of the water and grunted and gulped his way across the pool.  Now he is swimming on his back! 
It seems like all these things that we worried about...how do we teach him to sleep through the night, ride a bike, swim....they do happen.  So now as I worryabout  how I will  teach him to read and write I cling to these experiences.  Yes, we did have our part in making this happen but it was him, his will and readiness that pulled him forward into a new chapter of knowledge and skill.  Nobody can control that aspect of learning.  As parents we just have to wait, be encouraging and keep offering opportunities.  Patience and faith.