The Honeymoon is over

Lukas and I have moved into a new phase of our ever changing relationship. I feel like for quite some time Lukas and I were on our best behavior with each other. Like a fresh new couple we were blinded with love and swept up in the intensity of no sleep and massive transition. We were falling into and discovering each other at the same time. As he grew we shared pure joy and elation with me watching him tackle new challenges….walking, talking, climbing and crawling. Every day was a new adventure. And as I discovered him, I also discovered myself as a mommy. I had a chance to try out all those mommy ideas I had throughout my life…visits to mommy groups, sing-a-long at the library, playground and beach trips. I was the super snack packer and the living room art teacher. I was the dancing in the kitchen with the boy on my hip mommy and the chronic muffin maker. I was auditioning for the role of super mommy and I landed myself a full time gig. The problem is….I can’t keep up. I can’t keep this speed up all the time. I have moods. I get childish. I get emotional. I am not perfect.
Today I am tired. I am sick. Lukas has challenged me all day long. Despite my best efforts to retain my wholesome wonder mommy image…. Lukas defeated me. As he whined and clung and moaned and wanted to tear apart, dump, hide and throw whatever I was trying to do away. I broke down. I got mean. I threatened multiple time outs. I gave him one. I turned my back on him when we were making muffins. He stole the cookbook and lost my recipe page and in our struggle he tore out the page from the book. I took the book and said “No”. I turned away from him and let him cry behind me. I told him he made me mad. I was childish when after his nap (which was only 45 minutes!!!) I attempted to make a Kaleidoscope with him from an old paper towel roll and bits of lavender and he dumped lavender all over me and on the floor. I told him that he made me angry. I said “look at the mess you made.” I finished the Kaleidoscope alone.
It felt as if I was cleaning up the same mess over and over and over again all day long. The same toys, crumbs, broom dragged out, tupperware spilled, carpet moved....again and again.
But as he grabs my hand for the 7th time saying “come play with me….mommy…come play”. (Insert severely whiny and demanding tone.) Or he giggles and runs away as I try to put his boots or coat or hat or ANYTHING on…..I somehow don’t love him any less. He is annoying…no doubt about that. He tests me over and over again. But those months of falling in love, they are powerful. Tonight he asks for me to sleep with him. He puts his leg over my body to make sure that I don’t sneak out before he is really asleep. I hear his breathing steady. He’s my boy. No matter what our moods are, in sickness and in health, for cranky or for cuddly, he’s my boy and there isn’t anything that can change that. (Now if only I can get him to get his own coat on ….hee hee hee and stop stealing the broom!)

A wonderful, ordinary week in the life of Lukas John

I often write about particular events in our live or revelations that I have about parenting. However, I imagine as I distance myself from these early days in Lukas’ life I will forget what we actually did during our weeks and days together. So this is a week at a glance.

Sunday: pancake breakfast with Mama and Papa. Trip to Echo. A long walk up the hill to Church Street. Lukas walks alone the whole way! Lunch at Red Onion café…a sandwich and some soup. Home for a nap. Wake up and play with Oma and Opa. They take Lukas to a restaurant!

Monday: drive to Montpelier with Auntie Kirsten and cousin Tessa. Much giggling and sharing of toys. Play at the library…gotta share the trains and toys! Go out for lunch at Langdon Street Café….lukas eats all the muffin…Tessa steals auntie Susan’s soup.
Take a walk in the woods. Lukas walks a long way in the snow and collects sticks and leaves. He falls asleep on the way home. After it’s Tammy time for a few hours and then home. At home he eats dinner and plays with mama and papa. Bath time and bed.

Tuesday: In the morning we meet Shana and Micah at the library and then go upstairs for music with Robert. Snack time and singing songs like Old Macdonald and You are my Sunshine. Lukas is tired and full and goes to Tammy’s. After his Tammy nap time he comes home and eats noodles…big noodles. That evening we go to our neighbors, Rowan’s house, and play and eat cake and ice cream. Even Gluten free!

Wednesday: It’s unusually warm. I make French toast for breakfast…because I feel like having a weekend breakfast in the middle of the week. We take a walk on the bike path….Lukas walks by himself all the way to the playground. He slides down the fire pole and walks the wobbly bridge. He swings and swings and makes a new friend. Tired from all the play and fresh air he rides back to the car in the stroller. Then we go to the grocery store. Lukas gets a bagel for a snack and we come home to nap. Oma comes to play with him in the afternoon. That evening Jen and John come over and have dinner with us and sleep over. Lukas loves it. He plays hide and seek with John. He reads stories with Jen. He can’t fall asleep as he talks about breakfast tomorrow and our sleepover company!

Thursday: Lukas wakes us all up early. We eat egg bake and finish breakfast before 7:30. After breakfast we visit Shana and walk to the second hand store together. It is warm and wet. Lukas walks almost the whole way there. He splashes in puddles all the way. He likes to watch the train tracks in hopes a train may come. At the store he gets a few second hand toys. We go back to Shana’s for cornbread and milk. Lukas falls asleep on the way home. When he wakes up he plays with papa who is working at home. That night he gets his hair cut and a bath.

Friday: Lukas helps me make strawberry muffins for Caroline’s party. It is a Valentines party. There is punch and hot cocoa there. A big bowl of pop corn and bagels and cup cakes. There are almost a dozen kids. There are crafts to make valentines which I think I enjoy almost more than Lukas. He plays with the tricycle and shovels pop corn in his mouth. He wants to be held a lot. After the party he goes to Tammy’s. When I bring him home we have a mix of things for dinner and mama brings Lukas to bed early. He’s tired. He ate too many sweets.

Saturday: Mama made crepes for Valentines day breakfast, with blackberries and raspberry sauce and cream. Lukas likes them with just butter and cinnamon. After breakfast we take a long walk up through Gilbrook Park in Winooski to St. Mikes. We end up at Dunkin Doughnuts where Lukas gets a hot cocoa and mama has a decaf. We come home and he plays and reads with papa and then takes a nap. When he wakes up he helps papa cook and do dishes and then watches a movie. After much tickling and cuddling on the bed he goes to sleep with mama … who also falls asleep…despite Valentines pressure and a flourless chocolate cake waiting for her downstairs…..luckily Jorg wakes her up to eat dessert….yum.

cozy winter moments

For all the moaning about winter and cold and bundling crying toddlers and babies…it isn’t all bad. Today we had a really cozy and sweet day. It wasn’t a big outing or adventure…just a walk….but the kind of memory that I hope will stick with Lukas, with all of us and since we forgot to bring the camera I had better write about it. We got up and had yummy lemon and ricotta pancakes that Jorg made. Then we headed off to Redrocks for a walk in the woods. It was windy and at first I didn’t think we would make it that far but Lukas persevered. We walked for over an hour and in the end he didn’t want to stop. We threw snowballs and he collected leaves. We took turns sliding in the big wooden sled. First Jorg pulling Lukas and I. Then me pulling Lukas. Then we all slid down a few hills and in the end I pulled a tired Lukas and a cuddly Jorg back to the car. A small dog followed us for some time causing a tremendous giggle fest as he chased along side the sled. The sun crept out here and there offering moments of warmth and the big trees creaked and moaned all around us in the wind. If felt special and ordinary all at the same time. After our outdoor adventures we all piled, rosy cheeked and fresh, into Lake Champlain Chocolates for hot cocoa and chocolate samples. In the end Lukas fell asleep in the car and slept for 3 hours at home! It was a kind of morning that I imagined when I became pregnant. It is special and fleeting and deeply, quietly satisfying. May we continue to brave the elements for such simple and rich rewards.